Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Message

It took a few days before anyone managed to catch sight of Silent Bob again. Part of the problem was that he got a shave and haircut almost immediately after the events of… that night, so our pictures of him weren’t as effective as we would have liked. But some smart proxy with too much time on his hands managed to pick him up on a convenience store’s security camera, and from there we were able to narrow down his location to an empty apartment room.

With the original kill team reduced to half its members, a new team was sent in to deal with them. Like before, they had a radio with them so we could follow their progress. I’m not going to post everything we heard, since most of it was screaming. A lot of screaming.

When those sounds died down, we heard someone pick up the radio, and a new voice spoke into it. The speaker had a posh sounding accent, but that accent kept coming and going throughout his talk, as if he was intentionally trying to sound that way.


“Helloooooo there! Based on the blogs I’ve been catching up on, I’m assuming that the Picking at Ruins girl is listening? Good. I want her to record this and post it. I’ve got a little message to send out to the world.

Almost two years, people! Two whole years! That’s how long I’ve been gone! You can imagine my surprise when I realized that. One minute I’m having quite the lovely time in 2011, the next I’m learning that the world completely failed to end on 12/21/12. It’s a bit of a jarring experience, I’ll have you know, especially given my assumption I was going to die back then. What with the knife and the exploding and all. But that’s not what I want to talk about. No, I want to discuss the significant amount of reading I’ve done these past few days in order to catch up on what’s occurred in my absence. Well, skimming, really. Most of you aren’t exactly top quality authors, and I certainly don’t intend to force myself to read more of your drivel than is absolutely necessary. But even amongst the shoddy grammar, there was one theme I noticed present throughout the two years of posts:

Incompetence.

Complete, utter, gross, incompetence.

Honestly, people? In two years, you have accomplished so little? Slender Man STILL isn’t dead? Our sacrifices were supposed to inspire a new age of resistance, but instead they seemed to have been the high point of a golden age which has long passed. Whatever happened to the grand struggle, the unending fight, the spirit and drive to stop the monster who hunted us in the dark? The fighters that I remember seem to all be dead or missing, leaving behind only scared children. I don’t even think you lot have any Sages, do you? Pathetic. Simply pathetic.

But don’t worry. Because I have returned, to save you pitiful humans from your failures.

These dogs sent after me were certainly talkative after I applied some persuasion. A proxy bureaucracy. What a novel idea. I remember Morningstar whining about his superiors, but I never imagined you people would get organized to this extreme. I like it. It provides a much larger target for me to hit.

Consider this my warning to you bureaucratic types: I’m going to kill you all. I’m going to rip apart all you little slaves, and the ruins of your organization shall burn in a glorious conflagration that illuminates the whole world. And once I’ve dealt with you, why, I think I’ll go and accomplish my original goal of ripping off the Slender Man’s tentacles and beating him to death with them.

And you Runners? You can just sit back and relax. Let me take care of the hard work, since the current generation is clearly unfit to handle it themselves. Go find a compound called Optimism or something and throw a party there. It makes no difference to me. I alone will be sufficient to deal with this trivial threat.

But perhaps I should finally introduce myself. After all, I can scarcely expect these whippersnappers to remember the events of two whole years ago. Practically ancient history, really. So to all you young ‘uns who can’t be bothered to learn your past, permit me to introduce myself.



My name is Arkady Ivanovich Svidrigailov.”

94 comments:

  1. Dunno what he expected, most of us are young people dotted in every corner the world who can't afford to trust anyone.

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  2. I don't care who he is, anyone who kills children is not a hero.

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  3. Well this is good news. Can't wait to see how he'll wipe out the entire proxy organisation. Atleast in your universe.

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  4. So the Warrior wakes once more. Whom called you up from slumber? Did a wish go awry, did a whisper call you from the depths, do you even wonder why? But no, the Warrior wakes without warning and in his wake the wreckage of the world.

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  5. I just chocked on my morning doughnut and spat coffee all over my Vans front window. Why? I died of laughter.

    Now I dunno who this gentleman is, I mean he does seem like a nice piece'a work. But his last name is Svidrigailov? Seriously? Uh boy his parents must'a hated him.

    I mean what he gonna do to Slendy? Axe up a bunch of grannies in front of him? I'm sorry, but thats just too fuckin' hilarious.

    On a side note, this fella seems like a reeeeeal Douchebag. Also make fun'a me cause I dunno who that guy is. But I'd rather make fun of his last name, seriously!? Svidrigailov? My fuckin' God.

    Oh the horror he gonna go steal money from old grannies and kill them with an Axe! Look out everybody!

    Thanks I needed a good laugh in the mornin'.

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    Replies
    1. I think it's a code-name.

      And you're one to talk. 'Vikady'? Really?

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    2. Pretty common name in Russia, so um, yah, that joke ain't very funny there.

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    3. You obviously don't reach much, Vikady.
      Also, you're mistaken. I'm Russian, and I have never heard the name "Vikady" before.

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    4. I bet it's worse for this Arkady's daughters or wife. "Svidrigailova" must be merry frickin hell to spell out.

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    5. Oh goodness gracious me. Someone with a brief passing familiarity with "Crime and Punishment." Whatever shall I do! He has seen through the charade of my literary alias, and now taunts me with the terrible barbs of referential humor! Truly, I am undone by your wealth of academic knowledge!

      No, no, wait, nevermind. On second glance, it appears that you completely confused the characters Rasknolnikov and Arkady, and the entirety of your taunt was based on that mistaken assumption. In which case I take back everything I have said in the previous paragraph.

      Perhaps next time you attempt such an insult, you should try to familiarize yourself with the topic beyond simply skimming over a Wikipedia page?

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    6. Arkady sir, I have my doubts if you don't mind.

      To record paragraphs and paragraphs mocking us runners? Thinking up names with literary allusions, responding to some random guy's barb to make sure we know you're educated? The Sages, sir? Dead and/or missing. As many runners will tell you, why would we go back to a system that has collapsed? Why would we go back to a system that has either not been proved to work or proved not to work?

      If defeating this entity was so simple, why have you not done it, instead of all I listed above? Why do you hesitate?

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    7. Hesitate? That would imply inaction, and given that my modus operandi for dealing with Slendy has been, ahem, "Grabbing the closest thing that could be used as a weapon and CHARGING THE FUCKER WHILE SWINGING WILDLY AND LAUGHING LIKE A LOON", I don't believe it could be applied to me.

      Admittedly, it hasn't been the most effective strategy. But it has been the most entertaining. And I figure it has either two outcomes: Either A) I somehow manage to DEFEAT THE SLENDER MAN AND CRUSH HIS BODY WITH MY BARE HANDS, or B) I get my lungs ripped out.

      Either way, I count it as a win.

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    8. Alright, I trust your judgement for now.

      I hope you do not get your lungs ripped out. I do not wish that on anyone sir.

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    9. Look at the big tough child killer responding to my little insult.

      Also to note it was umm what you call it, oh yeah, an insult. If I wanted to go bat shit crazy with detail on crime and punishment, it would end up a big ass boring comment educating everyone about "Crime and Punishment" and last time I checked jokes, or insults were not educative paragraphs about Russian Literature.

      Also, the first thing that came to my mind when I saw "Raskolnikov" was something I knew, which was a crazy dude, who killed a granny and then her maid. And that thought made me have a good 5 minute laugh. So uh yah, also why would I look shit up on Wikipedia? That site is crap.

      And thus I didn't need to look at your first name, in order to laugh at you last name. So um yah.

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    10. Except his last isn't isn't "Raskolnikov." It is "Svidrigailov," which, as he pointed out, is a completely different character in Crime and Punishment. Hence your insult makes no sense. Hence it is no longer than insult, but rather an arrangement of words that have no meaning.

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    11. WAIT. Arkady is a child killer? Is he aware the Slender Man displays such traits as well? Well of course he is.

      Arkady, what I'm saying is, if you intend to go and kill the Slender Man on your own without our help, you don't have to put us down and gloat about it. Just go and fucking do it, if you have this energy and ability that the rest of us runners of the mill don't have, then go and do it.

      Delete
    12. WAIT. Arkady is a child killer?
      Did you not just read about what happened to poor Jenny and Ryan? Yeah, Arkady killed them. For pretty much no reason.

      Delete
    13. I'm new to this blog, Anonymous. I knew he killed them. I missed out the bit where Jenny and Ryan were kids. I'm really sorry sir.

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    14. Bah, you snap one little girl's neck and beat a boy to death against a wall and suddenly everyone's calling you a CHILD KILLER! So much for tolerance.

      But really, the last thing I remember was being in a pitched battle against over two dozen proxies. Can I honestly be blamed for reacting with a tiny bit of hostility when I suddenly find myself transported to another year and this child is shouting at me and calling me Bob?

      Well, yes, I suppose I can, but it's the principle of the matter!

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    15. Ummm. You killed two children, Arkady. Why the fuck are you surprised you're being called a child killer? Does that logic so very much blow your little mind?

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    16. Christ, confuse a couple of names and you get a whole lecture on how stupid you are. Whatev's man, I had a laugh with the thought that Svidrigailov came out of a literature book and started killing kids and boasting about taking down Slendy. If you can't find the comedic side of that, shit me condolences.

      On a side note, I have no fucking idea why I wrote Raskolnikov, pretty funny tough.

      And she does have a point, um why kill a bunch'a lil' kids when you can simply go after The Faceless Fuck? Got me lost on that part, I mean The Tall Fuck was right there, and you go attacking lil' kids? Either that some fucked up strategy, either yer just fucked up in yer head, which means I doubt you will have any success in taking care of Slendofuck.

      Instead'a boasting, why not go and kill the Pale Fuck? Hm? Oh right, cause ya obviously don't have no fuckin' idea on how to do it. No, I mean I could be wrong, I ain't gonna deny that, still why inform us of your presence, I tell ya it would be a lot more useful if you actually did something USEFUL instead of murdering a bunch'a proxies and killing lil' kids.

      Sit back? Well shit just tell me when you gonna go dying on us, so I can sit back AND enjoy.

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    17. I have a feeling that the Warrior is merely playing with us; he does not care what we say nor whom he kills. He only cares about his goal, not what gets in his way.

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    18. If he cares about some random person's little literary mistake, then he'll care about what we have to say. Unless he's painfully pretentious and selective...

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    19. @Sanna: Painfully pretentious and selective are my middle names.

      @Vikady: You know, I feel like I should be offended by your attempts at trash talk, but I can't help but keep snickering at the abysmal quality of your sentence structure, grammar, and overall writing quality.
      Seriously, who WRITES "um" in a sentence? You're not talking, you're typing.

      @Tom: Ding ding ding, we have a winner!

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    20. "Unless he's painfully pretentious and selective..."
      Bingo.

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    21. "abysmal QUALITY of your sentence, grammar, and overall writing QUALITY"

      As a native English speaker, I can tell you that was one fucking clunky read, Arkady. Vikady reads with less pretension and more fluidity. But that is just my opinion.

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    22. @Arkady: Right on the dot sir! I do talk while I write, force of habit, which developed into me writin' like that, so um sorry. Hey at least we can both snicker at each other right? I snicker at your ridiculous last name, you snicker at my grammar, sounds like a real precious deal.

      @Tom: Well shit what gave that away? I mean I wouldn't give a shit myself. Still doesn't explain how this dude is any closer to taking care of our "Problem", so yah, so far I see nothin' but boasting, boasting and Oh shit SURPRISE! More boasting.

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    23. I AM SNICKERING SO HARD AT YOU RIGHT NOW VIKADY!

      FEEL THE WRATH OF MY SLIGHTLY UPTURNED LIPS AND SUPPRESSED LAUGHTER!

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    24. No, see, hitting on you would involve more punching you in the face. But in a loving, endearing sort of way.

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    25. Word man! Aw why not rougher? You know like me driving a baseball bat against the back of your skull? In a loving way of course.

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    26. Yes, see, now you're getting it!

      Ah, love. True love.

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    27. You know what they say, love hurts.

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  6. I believe the correct term here would be: burn.

    In both the metaphorical and literal sense.

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  7. I remember the reading about the time Arkady threw a mashmellow at the Slender Man and hit him with fireworks. I remember reading about the time he burned a forest down and laughed at his imminent death.

    What happened?

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    Replies
    1. I stabbed myself with a dagger and exploded in a flash of MAGICK.

      Next thing I remember it was nighttime, I was in a parking lot, Slendy was in front of me, and some idiots were shooting at me.

      That is what happened.

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    2. I don't recall you ever killing innocent people. Threatening, maybe. I mean, when it came to Javert's family...You didn't hesitate to take them hostage.

      Nevertheless, Arkady. The end does not justify the means.

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    3. Arkady pushed his roommate off of a balcony into Slenderman's fog for no reason other than "to see what would happen."
      He is a sick killer, not some hero in shining armor.

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    4. Ah, must everyone forget poor Jason? My old roommate, who I pushed off a balcony just to see him killed by the Slender Man?

      Poor, poor Jason. As forgettable in death as he was in life.

      (Also there might have been a few casualties from all those fires I carelessly started. I really can't say for sure, I never payed much attention.)

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    5. I actually thought that was justified. I laughed when I read that entry.

      Besides, Jason would have died anyway. Arkady just ensured him a quick death.

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    6. Well, there you have it. Those kids would have died anyway. Eventually. Sometime within the next 60 years. I just ensured them quick deaths.

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    7. Hypocrite. Jason was one of you. He was haunted by the Slenderman. Like you all are. He might have had a chance, maybe. And you laughed at his death? Wow.
      Besides, I don't think evisceration is a quick death.

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    8. Well it's better than slowly devolving into insanity.

      He probably would have suffered more if Arkady HADN'T pushed him off of the balcony.

      But...those children, they still had a chance. They hadn't lost their minds completely. They were young and innocent.

      He shouldn't have done that.

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    9. "Well it's better than slowly devolving into insanity."

      Why don't ya shoot yourself then?

      Hi I'm here now.

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    10. Is it better than slowly devolving into insanity, though?

      That doesn't have to be an inevitability, the likes of Incognito and Miss Annalee are still going.

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    11. Well in regards to the subject of this conversation, Jason, yes, it was an inevitability. The man was one bad day away from putting on a cheap plastic mask and trying to tackle hapless college film students in abandoned homes.

      Such is the fate of the weak.

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    12. Excuse my fucking intrsion ovah here, a fuck it who am I kidding, I don't give a shit. But why not wait until he actually starts doing such things? Wouldn't the satisfaction of the kill be sweeter when you kill a dude that has it comin' to him?

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    13. Tackling hapless college film students or killing children -- which is more insane?

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    14. @Vikady: .... No? I honestly couldn't care less whether or not someone "has it comin' to [them]". Jason was a weakling and a fool. He would have been a boring opponent as a proxy.

      @Sanna: Ooh! Ooh! I know the answer to this one! Is it the child killing one? I bet it's the child killing one! Was that the right answer, teacher?

      Delete
    15. Well your a bore Arkady.

      And no! WRONG! The more insane would be a guy killing both in his spare time and then screwing the bodies.

      I think that would be more insane.

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    16. More insane: he then EATS them.

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    17. Even more insane. He skins a man alive and then feeds him to his wife and children.

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    18. We are all going to try and one up each other from now on, and we will give ourselves nightmares.

      Then he kicks a kitten.

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    19. ...I like them too...Fuck dogs.

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    20. No, the most insane thing he could do would be stitching a skin suit out of a dead corpse after he stabs them and steals their organs.

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  8. ...do we honestly have nothing better to do with our time.

    Also...

    He gives the kitten to a little girl, kills the kitten while she's holding it, then tosses the girl and the kitten off of the balcony.

    ALL of the Fears are waiting below.

    Top that.

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    Replies
    1. Easy!

      He eats a police officers doughnut.

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    2. And then he turns to his other hostages and says, "I call it, the Aristocrats!"

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    3. Vikady, really? REALLY?

      Why the Aristocrats?

      Ooh. I've got one.

      He clones the Slender Man 100 million times. Each is as powerful as the original.

      Delete
    4. And then the end of the world and that's boring.

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    5. Why the Aristocrats?
      I take it you've never heard this joke then.

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    7. Yes Vikady, it is boring. Even so, you can't top that, can you?

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    8. Well it ain't really insane, just destructive, so I don't have to top that.

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    9. Tell me, who in their right mind would clone the Slender Man?

      No one.

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    10. Someone who wears purple socks with tan sandals.

      Checkmate.

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    11. Now that's just evil.

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    12. For the love of all that is good...

      WHY is this still continuing?

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    13. ...I'm going to REGRET this...

      Turning the Slender Man's suit pink, then running up to him and saying, "I didn't know you were gay!"

      Delete
  9. Holy crap, so many comments.. Guess that was to be expected.
    I've only been a runner (Although I prefer being called a fighter)since december but I did my research. So I 've read Arkady's blogs and I must say, If anyone has a chance of hurting slendy , its him.

    Sometimes you need a monster to fight a bigger monster.
    So Arkady, welcome back.

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    Replies
    1. Sometimes you need a monster to fight a bigger monster.
      And sometimes you need a third monster to fight that second monster you got to fight the first monster. And sometimes you need a fourth monster to fight the third monster and sometimes you need a fifth monster to...

      And then you're up to your asses in monsters.

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    2. Anonymous pretty much nailed it.

      You know what happens when you actually fight fire with fire? You just get more fire.

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    3. Well, that's pretty much Arkady's raison d'ĂȘtre right there.

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    4. Anonymous, you don't read my blog I presume? Because if you did then you'd know that I already am up to my ass in monsters. And flying spiders but thats beside the point.


      So really one more monster doesn't make much of a difference to me.

      Delete
  10. Kill us all? Well, I'm just shaking in my boots. Or not.

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  11. Good luck to you, sir. It will inevitably fail and you're a horrible person but good luck nonetheless. May your death be quick but also quite painful.

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  13. Well, this year just continues to get interesting.

    Mr. Svidrigailov, provided that you are a man of your word, I shall eagerly await for your arrival at my doorstep.

    -The Grigori

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  14. I could always help, Hunt a few people, Get you information...It'd be nice to work for other Proxies again..

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  15. And here I thought I'd never get to see someone try to burn down the sky in my life time.

    And whats 50% percent of the reaction? To sit back and watch the world die. Peachy.

    Arkady, I can't began to imagine you're gonna be gentle with the Bureaucracy and focus on their hunters and lunatics as opposed to trying to kill them all despite nearly half of them being nonviolent ineffectual bureaucrats like miss Diana here, are you?

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    Replies
    1. Bring down the bureaucrats and the soldiers fall into chaos.
      The question is, does plunging them into chaos a good thing for us or not?

      Depends on your view of things.

      Little miss Diana may be non-violent. But indirectly she caused many runners to die. Especially when she found a way to get extra funds to the hunters and lunatics.

      She's just as much our enemy as the violent ones.<x3

      Delete
    2. Bring down the Bureaucrats and leashes come off.

      Only the more moral of the soldiers suffer. The immoral and insane start cutting down civilians for sport and survival.

      Diana's work saves more than it kills.

      Delete
    3. Aren't they doing that already? The immoral and insane don't give a flying fuck about bureaucrats.

      The only life Diana is saving is her own. And maybe that of other proxies.

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    4. All who stand under the Bureaucracy's shadow typically answer to them.

      If you can't behave they fill out form 926-B. It revokes your breathing privilege and the privilege that enables you to carry blood.

      Although that was the system Months and Months ago in a different division back when I was still a Bureaucrat.

      Diana probably has different forms with different names that do different things. Especially since is she is only handling things on a processing/financial level.

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    5. You have too much faith in proxy bureaucracy. Just saying. o.o

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    6. We didn't organize into this for fun over night. ^-^

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  16. Wait...Arkady is back.

    Well then, what happened to Setoth?

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    Replies
    1. He, just like literally everyone else in OWG except the little girl and her "guardian" is dead.

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    2. Well, I don't know about Setoth and Kalias, but I'm definitely not dead. I think I'd be the first to notice that sort of detail.

      Delete
    3. Maybe Setoth would be able to knock some sense back into you.

      Delete